When I had dreams about suddenly getting pregnant, I was overcome with this feeling of the end of the world. My heart sank, my hands started sweating, and I felt completely hollow. Nothing made sense any more, my life was over… Then I woke up, still sweaty, heart throbbing but happy it was just a dream.
I guess, if you are not an all hormonal teeny, who has absolutely no experience in whatsoever except for driving his or her parent crazy, you are going to question having kids as well as you question every other important, life-changing matter or question. Some of married friends often tell me that they are not that thrilled about getting children. “It’s such a responsibility.” “My life will completely change.” “I don’t even know, if I can do it.” I heard this a lot. In my own mind! If you have a normal life with daily routine, responsibilities at work and at home, your friend circle, it is extremely difficult to deliberately put it all at risk for having a baby. Because, let’s face it, you never know what it’s going to be like.
My husband and I decided to start working at it in the beginning of 2011, because I considered it reasonable to have my first child around 30. Exactly, considered – not wanted. I was terrified like hell at the mere idea of having a baby, but I put myself together and decided to start on our family planning. We were not very exhilarated or impatient. We simply knew that it was going to take a while. We were wrong… We got pregnant right away. I was stunned. “No more wine” was my first thought.
When I was 12 weeks pregnant, we came back from America and went to my OB to make the sonogram. The little guy in my belly jerked his little hands and it looked like he was winking to us. I felt so happy that I cried, and from that moment on nothing mattered but that little guy.
You will never realize how much you want a child, until you have one. And you will love this little person more than you ever loved anything or anybody else. It’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to have doubts, and it’s ok to give it a chance, because it will all be OK.